So, I know we all have had our fair share of feeling pushed around at some point in our lives. Whether it was all-out bullying at school, a family member or partner taking their frustrations out on you, a boss being aggressive or mean to you, or even some random person on the street yelling at you for driving too slow… we have all felt hurt by another persons actions. This blog is about that. It is time for a change, and I believe that bullying is reaching it’s tipping point. We can make the change right now!
I only recently figured out that I had been bullied by a family member when I was a young person. It didn’t sink in until I was experiencing something similar with an acquaintance recently, and I finally realized, “It is not okay for another person to treat me this way”. When I was a teen, I had held in all of the pain and hurt from the childhood bully and stuffed it deep down and I became the “Defender of the underdog!” I took it upon myself to protect anyone who was being treated poorly, (Sometimes, EVEN if they were in the wrong!!) 🙂 This led to many bad relationships, friendships and situations where I was extremely co-dependent to people. I could not have known then that I was taking care of the young person inside of me who didn’t feel supported or defended many years prior. The problem was, I really couldn’t see the mean stuff that people did as “bad” or “wrong”. I still have the tendency to trust first and ask questions later (which I will honestly say is a great and beautiful trait to have, yet, it can lead to not noticing when someone is taking advantage of you) and I have learned over the years to listen more deeply to my intuition. If it feels “strange, wrong, bad, or uncomfortable”, it probably is.
I write all of that because I want to be sure that anyone who decides to read this understands that I truly and deeply understand the concept of bullying, emotional abuse, and even mental, physical and sexual abuse due to my childhood willingness to take it upon myself to be strong and not ask for help.
I want to say right now,
IT IS NEVER OK FOR SOMEONE TO USE YOU AS THEIR SCAPEGOAT!
IT IS NEVER OK FOR SOMEONE TO TAKE THEIR ANGER OR FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON YOU!!
IT IS NEVER OK FOR YOU TO BE THE RECEIVER OR BUTT OF SOMEONE ELSE’S JOKES, HURT, OR SARCASM!!!
You deserve to be treated with kindness, with love, and with support from the people in your life. And if there is something that is happening in your life that is painful, mean, abusive, unkind, aggressive, or ANYthing that hurts you, it is up to you to change it!! TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT! This is the time when tattling is OKAY, necessary even!!! You are not bad or wrong or stupid or weak or childish or a freak or anything that you might be thinking in your mind if you talk to someone about the pain and suffering and hurt in your life. If you do not feel you can talk to or be supported by your partner, best friend, or parent, than talk to a teacher, a co-worker, a counselor, a Spiritual Practitioner or clergy person. You will not be a bad person to get the support and love you need and deserve! You will be a COURAGEOUS and STRONG person to do that!
Why am I writing about this right now? Because I feel there is a voice that is crying out to be heard. A voice of kind and giving, caring and forgiving people out there who don’t know how to stop the bullying and abuse! Within the past two weeks, I have heard more than half a dozen young people tell me about being bullied in school. I have talked to or heard from several adults recently who were abused and/or bullied as children and never told anyone, who are only JUST NOW starting to deal with the pain they have carried with them throughout their lives… Many times, this kind of pain will show up as Disease of some kind or another… Cancer, physical pain, emotional breakdowns, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, can be linked to the stress that occurs when not dealing with something in the past that was painful or harmful.
We all deserve love. We all deserve support. If we don’t reach out, than not only do we suffer, but the people we care so much about and are trying to protect from our pain will also suffer! The people who love us KNOW when something is wrong. And if we don’t talk about it, now two or more people are walking around feeling bad and not knowing why or what can be done to shift the negative energy.
This blog is a plea to ANYone who is suffering from the hands or words of another. It is not your fault they are taking their hurt and anger out on you, but it IS your fault if you don’t do something about it. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! PLEASE talk to someone! Get the help you need and deserve! If the first person doesn’t help you, talk to someone else. It is up to you to be responsible for your experiences in your life, and often, asking for help is one way to be truly and courageously responsible! When you do it and someone else sees how courageous you were, it might even help THEM get the help THEY need and deserve!
We are all in this together people! We must teach people how to treat us. If you are feeling abused or hurt or bullied, do not be a victim of this energy! It is up to you to show yourself and the world that you deserve kindness, love and support. I know I can’t force anyone who is struggling or suffering to get help and support. But I can write a blog that may support one of you reading it to make a change that will forever shift your life. This is my dream… That everyone is treated kindly and lovingly. It starts with you and me. We must be kind, and we must only allow kindness into our lives. I believe this is one of the best ways that we will create PEACE ON EARTH!
OH! and as a side-note, I’m also wondering if people allow themselves to be pushed around or bullied because they think it is the only way they will get attention? If this is the case, and you are one of those people, that is completely untrue! People do not want to hang around someone who is constantly suffering and in pain. People can’t fix what you are not willing to fix yourself. You will have more friends and positive influences in your life if you simply allow yourself to be supported! Do not create more drama just to be heard. The only way you can truly be heard is if you are honest and authentic!
And one more side-note, YOU are responsible for your joy and happiness. No one else can give it to you. So if you think that by suffering or being a victim, you will create someone into your life to take care of you, eventually you will resent that person and create someone else to take care of you. Nobody else can care for you if you are not willing to care for yourself! (And if you want to read some great books that can help you understand those concepts better, read The Four Agreements, The Language of Love, and The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz.)